Sunday, March 23, 2014

3.23.14: Friends


He told me that he didn’t believe in marriage and I laughed at him because I thought that he was kidding.
            “You must be kidding…don’t you believe in love?” I was questioning him. I didn’t understand. How could he not believe in marriage? It was a right of passage. It just happened. Didn’t everyone want to get married?
            “I just think that I’ll never find someone to love me and I’ll just eventually end up alone…so I try not to get my hopes up too high.” My heart hurt for him. I wanted to hold him in my arms and hug him until he believed the world wouldn’t hurt him anymore. I wanted to make everything okay and scare all of his nightmares away…but instead, I kept questioning him. I just didn’t understand.
            “There must be someone. You’ll find someone. I promise.” It wasn’t my promise to give but I wanted for it so much to be true, if only for his sake. I believe everyone is capable of finding their other half. 
            “No, I won’t. I’m okay with it. I’ve dealt with it before.” What did he mean? I wanted to know. I wanted to help.
            He told me about his parents and their divorce and about how much they disliked each other by the end of it all. And he told me about how his dad got remarried and then divorced again and then engaged and then they broke up. All he wanted was a full family.
            He told me about the girl that broke his heart and how she did it and my heart hurt even more. I felt his pain. I told him that we’d all been there before…but where I’d recovered, he had not. I tried to tell him that it had happened to me, too, but he said that it was easier for me because I was smart and pretty. I blushed because I didn’t think it was true and because this wasn’t supposed to be about me. He was always making things about me.
            I don’t like attention…but he was always putting me in his spotlight. It was always about me…I felt horrible…I always somehow ended up pushing my problems onto him. He never seemed to mind…He always seemed to make my burden his own, despite my protests. He was always apologizing for the situations that he never created and which were always out of his control.
            I knew that he loved me. I knew it from the very first day that he opened up to me but I never said a word. He knew that I was wholeheartedly in love with someone else. I don’t know if he ever realized that I knew…but I always knew.
I wanted to hold him in my arms and hug him until he believed that the world wouldn’t hurt him but by doing so, I would be the very one hurting him. So, I kept my distance and I listened to his stories and I gave him my advice. He would always tell me that I was a good friend, such a good friend, and I’d smile at him, thankful that I could at least give him that.   

No comments:

Post a Comment