*I wrote this a couple of days ago but I haven't had to chance to post it because (1) I thought that I'd end up writing a lot more and (2) I have actually, without a doubt, been drowning in my work...I hate, with all of my being, the last couple of weeks of the semester when finals start to roll around. But if any of you are curious, here's how my first semester is wrapping up:
The amount of coffee that was in my
body right now was not okay…I could practically feel the caffeine swimming
through my veins but at least that meant that I knew that the coffee was
working. My professor was talking about something along the lines of grammar
and I almost missed her question:
“and, at, in…What are those?” I rolled my eyes. Prepositions, people…they are freaking
preposition. C’mon.
“What
are those, class?” I rolled my eyes again and heaved an exhausted sigh. Jesus,
I was surrounded by idiots.
“Prepositions…”
I breathed. Unfortunately, my teacher heard me. She turned to me with a
“thank-you-for-knowing-something” look. Well, I guess that I’m happy to
oblique, teacher-lady.
“Thank
you, Miss Hawthorne. Would you mind telling the class what the answer is?”
Really? Was she kidding? She was looking at me so hopefully…how could I say no?
Fine. I turned in my chair to find 26 half-bored, half-annoyed eyes starring
back at me. It’s not like I asked for the attention, people. I tried to mimic their
expressions of annoyance and boredom. I blew the non-existent bangs out of my
eyes.
“They’re
prepositions.”
It’s
been one hell of a day already. I beat my alarm this morning by an hour and a
half. Who does that? Not to mention that I was only running on about four hours
of sleep. I tried to go back to bed but to no avail. I had to print all of my
papers out at the library anyway. So instead of cuddling back into my blankets,
I hauled myself down my bunk bed ladder and dragged my butt to my bathroom. The
reflection starring back at me wasn’t one that I recognized. This girl had bags
under her eyes and sadness radiated throughout her face like a disease. That
wasn’t me. I wrinkled my nose my nose at the reflection. I turned the sink on
and started to wash my face. I was concerned. Where was my smile? And then I
remembered all the work that I had to do...and the fact that none of it was
getting done.
I
felt worn down and mentally exhausted. It was only Wednesday. And Thanksgiving
was last week. I shouldn’t be so…what’s the word I was even looking
for…unmotivated? I was just always tired. I stared at my agenda and tried to
focus on one thing that I could actually accomplish. I kept staring. Five more
minutes went by. Nothing was registering. I laid my head on my desk and tried
not to cry. Why was I so overwhelmed? All I wanted was my 4.0 so I could move
on with my life.
My
phone rang and I rotated my head to try and locate my phone. I checked the
caller ID and groaned. It was my brother. I reached my hand out and slid the
button to unlock my phone.
“What?”
“Well
hello to you, too. Whatcha doin right now?” I took a minute to answer because I
was trying to find an answer that didn’t
sound idiotic…but I really couldn’t find one.
“Uhm…I’m
basically falling asleep on my desk. Why?” I couldn’t feel my body.
“No
reason. Just calling to let you know I got a 100 on my AP chemistry test.” Oh,
that’s all?
“Wow.
Good for you. I’m so proud of you, kiddo. Good job.” And there he went again
kicking my butt at school. Sorry that I sounded so enthusiastic about it…not.
“Why do you sound so depressed?” Well at least he didn’t sugarcoat it.
“I
have a group project, five papers, a book to read, a module exercise, about 15
power points to print, and two Saturday classes to do this week. Do the math.”
There was silence on the other end for a minute.
“So…I’ll
just talk to you later then, okay?” I didn’t even have it in me to say goodbye
before I hung up my phone.
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