Saturday, January 5, 2013

1.5.13: Cancer


The worst thing about cancer is everything. It’s a deceiving little monster. It disappears and hides in the shadows until it decides that it wants to reappear and ruin people’s lives. I don’t know where cancer came from but I do know that it needs to be destroyed. I am one person. I can’t do it myself and to be completely honest, I don’t have the brains to do it myself (my brother, on the other hand, definitely does). Cancer took one of my grandfathers and now it’s after the other—and winning. My father says that he lived a good, long life and I’m not one to argue with that. But why do the good have to be taken from us like this? As the tears pour down my face and my fingers bounce of the keys of my laptop, I can’t help but notice how mad I am at myself. I’m always so worried about such trivial things in my life while my brave, strong grandfather is fighting for his life. How is that fair to him? How selfish am I to think that my petty problems could be more important than his? And how embarrassingly self-centered of me that I don’t stop and think about him every now and then.
I have one more opportunity to see him for the rest of both of our lives. I’m going to make it count.
When my dad’s father died, I was five years old. I didn’t understand any of it then. Now I understand it all…and it scares me. I’m so scared. 

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