The pen was starting to feel heavy in my hand…the sun was
strong today but there was a slight breeze coming from the east to make it
bearable. Children’s laughter surrounded me and I wished that my mood would
reflect what I heard. I looked to my left at the playground where all of the
children were running in and out and around all sorts of contraptions. A slight
smile played at the corner of my lips but then I remembered why I was really
here: to clear my head. I looked back at my notepad and my chicken scratch that
now covered it. All of it hardly made any sense at all and my list of pros and
cons weren’t getting me any closer to the answer that I was trying to find. I
looked up again, this time at the glistening lake that was before me, and took
the deepest breath I could muster. I held it in for a second, let it out and
tried again.
If you have to wait for something, is it
really worth it?
I looked back out at the lake again for a second before my
pen was back on the paper.
It depends on what it is, how much it means
to you, and how long you have to wait.
Okay, that was a decent starting point. I could work with
that. Thoughts started to soar through my head…until my cell phone interrupted
them.
“Hello?”
“Turn
around…” It was Eric, my oldest and closest friend. So I guess he had come
looking for me. I wasn’t sure if he’d come this time. I’ve been doing this a
lot lately, you know…running away to the lake for a couple of hours, writing
down my thoughts and waiting for him to come find me so I could tell him which
of my thoughts I’d been able to make enough sense of to actually transfer to
paper. He always found me. It was kind of our spot. We’ve been coming here
since we were little kids. Our moms would take us everyday after we were done
with our classes in kindergarten. We used to be those kids on the playground.
But
it was a little different now. I got up from where I was sitting to give him
the hug he always got when I first saw him.
“Alright,
kit, what’s up with him this time?” Oh, right, I forgot to mention that most of
what bothers me is my boyfriend, Henry. Actually, he’s not my boyfriend yet
(which is the whole problem). Don’t get me wrong, it’s nothing that Henry
does...I’m convinced that he’s the perfect human being and he can do no wrong
but is it wrong of me to have high expectations because of that?
“You’re
thinking that your expectations are too high aren’t you?” How did he know that?
Actually Eric can pretty much read my mind so I’m really not all that surprised
that he just said that. I looked at him and nodded my head.
“Is
it wrong of me to want to be his girlfriend? It’s been five months. I can’t
wait much longer, Er.” He nodded at me apologetically…he’s already heard this
about a thousand times. I put my notepad on the bench next to me and stood up.
I went to the lake’s edge and picked up a flat-looking rock. I rubbed my thumb
over it a couple of times before my hand started to clench into a fist around
it. I cocked my arm back and was about to throw it before I felt Eric’s hand
cover mine. He shook his head at me. I lowered my arm to my side and let the
wind move around me. I took another breath and looked at the sun reflect off
the water.
“I
love him, you know.” Eric nodded his head. His hand came back around my hand
that had the rock in it.
“Yes,
dear, I know that. But if you rush into something violently, what do you get?”
He threw a rock that he had in his other hand right at the center of the lake.
I heard it plop and then the rock was gone and out of our sight. I was still looking
at the spot where it had disappeared when Eric spoke again. “Nothing happens. It
sinks. But when you ease into things, what do you get?” He took my hand and
cocked my wrist back just enough to make the rock skip three times. “You get smooth
sailing, my dear.” I just nodded at him because I knew that he was right. I
could feel tears pushing behind my eyes and I wanted so badly to let them go
but I just couldn’t let that happen right now.
“Do
you think it’s worth it to wait? Do you believe that if you have to wait for
something it’s truly worth it?” He looked down at my notepad.
“I
think that before you can ask me those questions, you should answer the ones
that you wrote down yourself first.”
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